Dear Diary: When pimples kill your vibe

If you have never been in this situation, I’m so glad that you have not experienced it.

When I was 12 years old I thought this was it, what the heck are these dots on my forehead. Having absolutely no clue with what skincare even was, I just hoped and prayed that they would go away, and go away they did, sort of. Throughout my teens, I was one of the lucky few that never experienced the emotional pain that pimples and in some cases severe acne could do to a person. People can be hurtful.

Every month or so (hormones!) I would get those occassional pimples that were deep under the skin, that hurt and if you popped it, it left a scar. When I turned 16, my whole life changed, I opened my eyes to a world full of makeup and skincare, cosmetics and all these products that promised everything, but sometimes delivered nothing. Insert crushed and self doubt. I remember having a few acne scars on the right side of my face which I could just not get rid of. I tried what felt like everything and after a while I gave up and just left it as it wasn’t too bad at the time.

I never understood why girls used to cover up their faces with  layers and layers of makeup. Didn’t they want that natural look, am I missing the memo?

After studying makeup, I soon found out that for most people, the reason they put makeup on is to cover up what they call, their insecurities. Being fairly lucky with my skin at that time, it didn’t make any sense because I was taught you are beautiful no matter what, that makeup was for fun and that those pimples would soon go away.

It wasn’t until a year ago, when I just started my beauty therapy course, facials were done almost every single week, the stress was building up as the year went on and so did the pimples that I never knew I had. It had spread from the right side of my face to the complete left side.  Never had I seen my skin as bad as it looked. I pretty much cried and didn’t understand what was going on. I had never experienced all those pimples, EVER! I seeked advice from my lecturers and most of the time, the answer was over stimulation of the skin. I mentally could not process what was happening to my skin, I was furious, I had family and friends who asked, “what’s happening to your skin” in shock, because I was studying to become a beauty therapist and they’ve never seen my skin look like that.

I remember sitting in the car and my friend’s mother asked, ” What happened to your face (seeing all the acne scars) ?” I replied with a brave face, it’s the stress but deep down inside, it killed me, because in my mind I tried to push it out that it wasn’t as bad as it really was. I was clearly in denial and just searched and searched for an answer. People suggested all kinds of crazy. Roaccutane was brought up many times, but I knew 100% that I did not want to use that, already having anxiety and mild depression. I was even going to fly out to New Zealand, just to dip my face into the mud baths they had. Tempting.

When the time came to go out and socialise, I hated it. The amount of makeup I packed on because of the insecurities I felt, I became one of those girls that would layer their makeup on. I completely understood how it felt. The need to cover all those pimples and scarring up for that little sense of normality and in the hope that people wouldn’t notice.

It has been 3 months since I’ve left college and my skin is significantly better, I took some time out to destress and focus on my health again. I started running which I did everyday for 2 hours prior to my beauty course, changed up my beauty products and have slowly been easing off the makeup. Although the pimples are no longer protruding from my skin, I have a few acne scars that I know are going to take very long to heal.

 

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